It Is One of the First Things People Google
When someone dies, the music question comes up surprisingly quickly. Sometimes, within the first hour of sitting down to plan the service. And for a lot of families, it is the decision that causes the most agonising. Not the flowers. Not the readings. The funeral songs. Because music carries weight in a way that nothing else at a funeral does. The right track at the right moment can say everything that words cannot. And the wrong one can feel jarring in a way that is hard to recover from.
We have been arranging funerals in Southport for a combined 35 years between us. In that time we have heard hundreds of different songs played at services, and the thing that always strikes us is this. The ones that land the hardest are rarely the ones you would find on a “top 10 funeral songs” list online. They are personal. They mean something specific to that family, that person, that relationship.
The Problem With “Most Popular” Lists
There is nothing wrong with My Way, Time to Say Goodbye, or Wind Beneath My Wings. They are beautiful songs and they get chosen for good reasons. But here is what happens when families go straight to a list. They pick something that sounds appropriate rather than something that sounds like their person. And there is a difference.
We had a family last year whose dad was a massive Northern Soul fan. Spent every weekend of his twenties at Wigan Casino. His daughters were going to go with Abide With Me because “that is what you do, isn’t it?” and it took a gentle conversation before one of them said, actually, can we play Dobie Gray? And that was the moment. That was the song that made the whole room smile through their tears because it was so unmistakably him.
The point is not that hymns are wrong or that popular choices are lazy. The point is that the best funeral music tells the truth about someone. And the truth is always more interesting than a generic list.
What Actually Works in a Service
Most funeral services have two or three music slots, sometimes four. Understanding what each slot does helps you make better choices.
The entry music. This plays as people walk in and take their seats. It sets the emotional temperature of the room. Something gentle usually works best here. Not too upbeat, not too devastating. Families are still arriving, still settling, still processing the fact that they are actually here. Instrumental versions of familiar songs work well. So does something the person loved that is not too energising. You are easing people in, not hitting them over the head.
Songs That Surprise People
Over the years we have noticed certain songs that families did not expect to work as well as they did.
- What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong. People assume it is a cliché but actually hearing it in a quiet crematorium with a room full of people who loved someone, it hits completely differently. The simplicity of it is what makes it land.
- Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole. The ukulele version. Gentle enough for an entry song, emotional enough for a reflection. It works in almost any context and very few people dislike it.
- Three Little Birds by Bob Marley. Brilliant as an exit song. “Every little thing gonna be all right.” It feels hopeful without being dismissive of the grief in the room.
- Songbird by Fleetwood Mac. One of those tracks that feels timeless. Works as a reflection song particularly well for partners saying goodbye to each other.
- You’ll Never Walk Alone. Not the football version. The Gerry and the Pacemakers original. In Southport and across Merseyside it carries a particular significance that goes beyond the lyrics.
A Few Things Worth Knowing
Crematoria and churches both have sound systems, but the quality varies. If you are playing a song that means a lot, it is worth asking your funeral director to check that the system can do it justice. There is nothing worse than a tinny speaker flattening a song that is supposed to carry the whole room.
Live musicians are an option too. A solo singer, a guitarist, even a small choir. Live music in a funeral setting has a presence that recorded tracks cannot always match. It is more expensive, obviously, but for families who want that extra layer of personalisation it can be incredibly moving.
And one more thing. There are no rules. Genuinely. If your dad’s favourite song was the Match of the Day theme, you can play it. If your mum sang Dancing in the Moonlight every time she had a glass of wine, play it. The service belongs to the person you are saying goodbye to. Make it sound like them.