Nobody Teaches You This
You do not learn about arranging a funeral in school. Nobody sits you down at any point in your life and explains what happens when someone you love dies, and you are the one who has to sort it out. So when it happens, and it always does eventually, most people are starting from zero while also going through one of the worst emotional experiences of their lives.
The good news, if you can call it that, is that the process itself is more straightforward than it feels in the moment. You do not have to figure it out alone and you do not have to make every decision immediately. A good funeral director will guide you through each step and take the weight off wherever they can.
Here is roughly what happens, in the order it tends to happen, based on how we work at Hope Funeral Care in Southport.
The First Phone Call
Most families call us within a few hours of someone passing, sometimes from the hospital, sometimes from home. This first call is not about making decisions. It is about letting us know and asking us to bring your person into our care. That is it. We handle the collection, whether that is from hospital, a care home, or their own house. You do not need to worry about logistics at this stage.
Sometimes families call and they do not really know what to say. That is completely normal. You do not need a script. Just tell us what has happened and we will take it from there.
Registering the Death
Before a funeral can take place, the death has to be registered. This needs to happen within five days in England and is done at the local register office. You will need the medical certificate (which the hospital or GP provides), and they will ask you some basic details about the person who has died. We will explain exactly what you need and where to go. In Southport the register office is on Lord Street and you can book an appointment by phone.
After registering, you receive the green form, which is the document that gives permission for the burial or cremation to go ahead. You also get certified copies of the death certificate. We usually suggest ordering several copies because banks, solicitors, insurance companies, and pension providers all tend to want an original.
The Arrangement Meeting
This is when we sit down together, usually at our funeral home on Church Street, and talk through everything. Some families come in the day after the death. Others take a few days to gather themselves first. There is no rush and we never pressure anyone to come in before they are ready.
We will talk about the type of service they want. Cremation or burial. Religious or non-religious. Big or small. What music would they like? Whether there will be readings, and who will do them. Flowers, transport, and the order of service. We go through it all, gently, at whatever pace feels right.
We also talk about the budget. We know that cost is on people’s minds, and it should be. Funerals are expensive, and nobody should feel pressured into spending more than they are comfortable with. We are upfront about our pricing, and we will always tell families where they can save money without compromising on what matters to them.
Between the Meeting and the Day
Once the arrangements are agreed, we coordinate everything. Booking the crematorium or cemetery. Liaising with the minister or celebrant. Ordering the coffin. Arranging flowers through the florist. Preparing the order of service. If there is a slideshow or video tribute, we help with that too.
This is the bit families do not always see, but it is where the detail work happens. Making sure the music timing is right. Checking that the crematorium has the correct paperwork. Confirming the hearse route. Making sure the flowers arrive on time. Coordinating with the venue if there is a wake afterwards. There are a lot of moving parts and it is our job to make sure none of them are the family’s problem.
We stay in touch throughout. If anything needs confirming or if the family changes their mind about something, that is fine. Nothing is locked in until the day.
The Day Itself
On the morning of the funeral, we handle everything. The hearse arrives at the arranged time. If the family has booked a limousine, that is there too. We lead the procession to the church, crematorium, or wherever the service is being held.
During the service, we are there in the background making sure everything runs smoothly. The music plays at the right time. The readings happen in the right order. The transition between moments is seamless. Families should not have to think about any of this. They should just be present.
After the service, some families hold a wake. Others go home. Some come back to see us a few days later. There is no “right” way to do the hours and days after a funeral.
After the Funeral
This is where a lot of funeral directors disappear, and we think that is a mistake. The funeral is over, but the grief is often just beginning in earnest. The house is suddenly quiet. The admin starts arriving. Banks need notifying, pensions need cancelling, and probate might need sorting.
Claire, who has worked in bereavement care for over 20 years, provides aftercare support to families after the funeral. That might be practical help with paperwork. It might be someone to talk to. It might just be a check-in phone call a few weeks later to see how they are doing. However, families need support, and we try to be there.
Because saying goodbye to someone you love is not a single day. It is a process. And having people around you who understand that process, who have walked alongside hundreds of other families through it, makes it a little bit less overwhelming. Contact us today for dedicated support through this journey.